Posted by On June 29th, 2009 I went to the Ottawa Jazz Festival and witnessed a performance by Maria Schneider and nothing else, according to my ticket book. And you know what? I got nothin’. Nada. Zippo-beaners*. Oh sure, I could step back for a moment and surreptitiously google Mrs. Schneider and sneak back in here all full of facts and anecdotes (a process I call “pulling a Pawn Stars”) – a trick I occasionally employ – but you, my dear reader, are much too good for that sort of sham-hustle dupery. Plus I tried doing that and there is so very little info to draw upon other than the fact that there is a different Maria Schneider out there who is an actress (and starred opposite Brando in Last Tango in Paris) and that she (the musical Maria Schneider now) has won nearly a half-dozen Grammy Awards.
Oh, how I wish I had written little reviews of these shows as they happened, I can’t even tell you. First off, had I done so then these ticket stories would all be done, which would be a blessing. Plus there is just so very much I would love to be reminded of. Not to mention how cute it would be to read handwritten reviews by a fourteen-year old me.
Rats, rats, rats!
The funny thing is that I have lamented this for years and years, since long before I actually started writing these things. So I can further lament that I didn’t even start writing them once I knew that not writing them was a lamentable omission. Shame on me.
And even now I only do it sometimes (okay, most times, probably since 2019-ish), partly out of laziness or because I am in the middle of seeing a string of shows and are thus too busy having fun to sit down and write about them, but mostly because there’s a big part of me that isn’t sure if I should be writing them right away. After all, these things are supposed to be ticket “memories”, not blow-by-blow accounts; sort of an exercise to see what remains of even the most unique experience after time has had it’s way with me.
But I am actually pretty anxious to actually be finished this chore of vanity, so I’ll try to keep writing them as new concerts come along. Especially if I ever see Maria Schneider again; I obviously find her rather forgettable.
*If nothing else I got me a brand new semi-understandable but mostly nonsensical phrase out of this: “zippo-beaners”. I have both a knack and a fondness for coming up with just this sort of thing**, which is probably why I don’t have more friends. The only question remains: to hyphenate or to not-hyphenate?
**My best one so far was using “What it is!?!” as a greeting. It was pretty disarming and turned most people into deer-in-the-headlights instantly. Again, not as many friends as I probably aught.
Todd Man Out 